Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Many people believe it means absolving the wrongdoer, but this is a misconception. Let’s see its definition in the dictionary.
forgive | fəˈɡɪv |
Stop feeling angry, resentful towards (someone), or wish to punish (for an offence, flaw, or mistake)
To forgive involves ending the feelings you have towards the past forgone situation. It’s not about the other person; it’s about your own release from the burden you’ve been carrying.
Holding onto anger allows the offender to control your thoughts and feelings long after they are out of your life. You essentially continue to punish yourself, letting negative emotions fester.
When resentment builds, it prevents you from moving forward. You might ask, “John hurt me so badly. How can I ever forgive him?” But consider this: Can you change what has happened? Will holding onto resentment improve your situation? The answers are clear.
Many gurus emphasise forgiveness as the key to healing your emotional wounds. I agree wholeheartedly. But is simply saying “I forgive you” enough? Or does expressing it directly to the person who harmed us provide better closure?
While both approaches can bring some relief, full healing requires more. This is not just theoretical; it’s grounded in experience and clinical observations at Radiant Flow. True healing happens when the emotional attachment to the event is fully addressed.
How My Clients Forgave Their Perpetrators
As a hypnotherapist, I’ve seen many individuals struggling with painful family relationships. Though their parents’ actions were deeply harmful, they have to find their way to peace through a process of emotional release.
Afiqah’s story on forgiving her oppressive mom
Afiqah appeared gentle and composed, but beneath this calm exterior lay intense emotional turmoil. When she came to me, she was struggling with severe anxiety attacks that sometimes left her screaming uncontrollably. She sought hypnotherapy for depression which had also led to thoughts of suicide.
Through the session, I learned that her mother’s controlling behaviour was at the heart of Afiqah’s distress. Her mother dictated every aspect of her life—what she wore, what she did—allowing no room for Afiqah’s own choices. This domination made her feel trapped and despaired.
After just one session, Afiqah felt a huge shift. Her anxiety attacks lessened both in frequency and intensity, and her feelings of deep depression fell from an overwhelming 9/10 to a manageable 2/10. Thoughts of suicide disappeared altogether.
The most significant change came when she released the emotional burden she had carried for years by forgiving her mother deep within. This act of letting go resulted in a noticeable improvement in her overall energy and sense of well-being.
Most notably, Afiqah had previously made efforts to forgive her mother, but those attempts were purely intellectual than emotional. While this brought some mental clarity, it was not enough. My observations during clinical practice show that full recovery only comes when the emotions tied to the past are fully released.
Sherry’s story on forgiving her abusive parents
For over ten years, Sherry lived with crippling anxiety, manifesting in physical symptoms that disrupted her life. She described a constant heaviness in her chest that made it difficult to breathe. She sought hypnotherapy for anxiety and to alleviate these symptoms.
During her session, Sherry was transported back to a tear-jerking childhood memory. She recalled feeling deeply disconnected from her parents, who didn’t care for and who had also subjected her to regular physical abuse. The betrayal was particularly heartbreaking because she had once idolised her father, only to be let down by his cruelty. Her mother, too, contributed to the abuse. These early traumas left her with trust issues that echoed throughout her relationships.
After our session, Sherry noticed a positive change. The daily anxiety she had lived with for so long was suddenly gone, and she found the absence of it almost foreign. What had once felt like a sharp, constant pain in her chest had vanished, replaced by a calm she hadn’t known for years.
Like Afiqah, Sherry had previously spoken to her parents, confronting their behaviour and expressing forgiveness. Yet emotional scars remained because the forgiveness was superficial. It wasn’t until the session that the deep-seated emotions were finally released from her body and for good.
Parting Words
Dear friends, while forgiveness can’t change the past, it frees you from its grip. Why punish yourself by hanging on to the negativity? To add, forgive yourself as much as you do to others. And remember this, for true emotional healing, you must release the associated feelings, not just the thoughts.
Hypnotherapy offers a direct path and swift path to achieving this release. If you’ve been carrying the weight of past trauma, consider this powerful approach to finding genuine freedom.
Photo credits: adrianna geo, Alex Shute
