This article was written with love by hand, not by AI.
We’ve all heard it, and many of us have name-called someone in the heat of the moment. It sounds harmless, even playful. But is it really?
What if those words – stupid, useless, crazy – carry more weight than we realise?
Let’s deep dive into name-calling’s emotional effects, and why labelling others, especially children, can cut deeper than we think. Whether it happens at home or at work, the damage isn’t always visible, but it often runs deep.
What is Name-Calling?
Everyone knows what name-calling is but let’s clarify its meaning here so that we’re on the same page.
People stereotype others with labels that can both be negative (e.g. idiot) and positive (e.g. brainiac).
Name-calling is also stereotyping and a form of labelling others with harmful intent. It is a form of verbal harassment, bullying or shaming by labelling others with derogatory words. The dictionary says the meaning of name-calling is an insult.
On a professional level, name-calling is especially prevalent in politics. It is a kind of defamation, slander or smear tactic to name and shame others. Name-calling at work is also common, often disguised as sarcasm.
The Effects of Name-Calling
During my sessions, I noticed my clients getting emotional whenever they recounted unhappy moments when someone called them names.
This observation prompted me to ask in every session, “Did so-and-so call you names? What kind of labels did she use on you?” Many times, it leads them directly to the root cause of their present-day unhappiness. It explains the effects of name-calling and why such words leave lasting emotional imprints.
In Gary Chapman’s book Love as a Way of Life, he referred to words as bullets and seeds. If our words are used as emotional bullets, our mouth becomes a gun that hurts others. If our words are seeds of wisdom, then we become planters that nurture relationships. Our words make, rather than break someone.
What Kind of Person Name-Calls?
Who are the culprits of name-calling? The vast majority of them are the victim’s parent or, if unlucky, sometimes both parents. Close family members and friends make up the rest of the pie. The statement “the closer you get to someone the more you get hurt” has a modicum of truth.
Name-calling includes shaming others in front of family or peers, which amplifies the emotional damage. Many times, clients have told me that their parent spoke badly about them in this way.
At this point, you might be thinking, “Well I never called my daughter names. My husband did it.” I’m sorry to be a party-pooper but standing by and doing nothing about verbal abuse is just as hurtful.
It’s normally the father who is verbally abusive and the mom who is submissive. Dad fires the emotional bullets while mom quietly overlooks the abuse. My clients have remarked that they feel abandoned, non-existent, unworthy or “nobody cares about me” when one parent lets the abuse go unchecked.
In one case, the mother was verbally abusive or “crazy” as my client put it, and the father told the child to “just let her be”. The client felt resentful that dad didn’t do anything about it.
What is the Psychology behind Name-Calling?
People who call others names are often victims themselves. A victim of abuse would have low self-esteem and feel insecure, their ego having been bruised during their formative years.
An emotionally injured individual may retreat into their shell (flight response) or verbally abuse others in the same fashion (fight response). To quote Paramhansa Yogananda, “Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.” The act of labelling others often stems from a bruised ego seeking to assert control.
At the end of a tear-filled session, some people would forgive their name-calling perpetrator especially knowing that they were also abused as a child. They understand that the abusive pattern is intergenerational and they want to stop the buck.
Examples of Name-Calling
The types of name-calling need no introduction. You’ve heard many if not all of them before.
Many of the names bullies use either describe the victim’s state of mind or physical appearance:
- Appearance: ugly, fat, fatso, fugly, fat AF, “bui bui” (fat in Hokkien dialect)
- Demeanour: clumsy, klutz, pathetic, loser
- Mental: stupid, idiot, moron, crazy, brain-dead, mental, retard, dumb, “gong gong” (dumb in Hokkien)
Clients have also revealed that their parents say things like “why did I give birth to you” and “you’re not my daughter” which are as bad as name-calling and then some.
I should mention that name-calling is not the worst thing you can do to a child. Ignoring and abandoning them is many times worse but I’ll save this topic for another time.
How to Respond to Name-Calling?
Smile and move on.
Nothing irritates a bully more than to be ignored. Not responding to their taunts causes their power over you to fizzle out. It makes them feel weak and they hate it.
Therefore, a bully will persist in harassing you until they get the response they desire so much, which could be irritation, fear, despair or anger. Watching someone else suffer is a great ego-booster.
And no… Fighting back doesn’t alleviate the situation but worsens it, not to mention it’s an egotistical response. The more you put up a fight, the more they’ll retaliate and they love the fight. In the end, if you take them out with a swift uppercut, it makes you no better than the bully.
It’s easier said than done, no doubt.
To remain unruffled by name-calling and peacefully step away from the situation takes great mastery over one’s emotions. If you had a troubled childhood, the name-calling will most certainly stir up those old emotions.
This brings us to the next part.
How to Overcome Name-Calling?
Overcoming name-calling and the feelings that it triggers calls for self-work.
You need techniques to help you overcome it through and through.
The feelings that name-calling stirs are merely the symptoms. Techniques that suppress the feelings or mask them are ineffective or offer temporary relief at best.
As a hypnotherapist, I unabashedly recommend hypnotherapy since it has helped the bulk of my clients. Hypnosis takes you on a deep dive into the subconscious mind where the root of the problem is nested and enables you to let go of the emotional baggage.
EFT tapping and meditation can help too.
EFT tapping helps you let go of the emotional baggage but it can be tough to pinpoint the root cause with this method. In a tapping session, you have to juggle between conscious and subconscious thoughts which can feel like walking on a tightrope.
Practising meditation keeps you centred on the present, the now. The past is bygones and nothing can be done about it so why dedicate mental energy to it? Like it or not, the mind is like an errant monkey that won’t do your bidding. Focused meditation, not the “meditation” where you space out, trains the mind to stay present. Think of it as a mental gym exercise that detaches you from the past and confers mental clarity.
Concluding Words
Everyone has name-called someone else in their lifetime, unless you are blessed with a halo on your head. It’s human nature to stereotype others.
I’m guilty of it too. For years, I labelled a friend “bald” because I thought it was funny. I meant no harm and he always replied jokingly anyway. One day years later, he retorted “stop calling me bald!” and it was when I discovered that my words hurt him.
To the bullies, or those who use it for fun, don’t do it because it hurts. Shaming others may seem trivial to you, but it can deeply fracture someone’s self-worth. I bet you don’t like being name-called so why do it to others? Remember the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated.
To the parents, listen to the words you use and the way you express them. Your words can be bullets or seeds. Children soak up your words which then contribute to their self-identity. At a young age, children may not fully comprehend your words but they will associate the word with the energy of your expression. Later on in life, they get triggered when their friend or boss utters the same words. Their self-identity will get thrown into question.
To the victims (who can be the bullies themselves), it’s not your fault that it happened to you. Unfortunately, it’s your responsibility to fix your problems. The only way out of the rut is to make peace with your past through therapy. Revenge keeps the ball of emotions rolling and continues to hurt you so why not let it stop with you?
Photo credits: David Trinks, RDNE Stock Project, Yan Krukau, Mikhail Nilov, cottonbro studio
